Destructive Incorporated

On behalf of my employer, I was asked to write a letter regarding the California minimum wage increase in my own words to an association we belong to that does industry lobbying and awareness building of its members. Because I believe this issue will affect every Californian, I would like to share it with all of you:

So I have the whole thing where when I find a word with which I can pigeonhole someone I use it extensively.
The term muggle is used in the harry potter series to describe non wizards/witches/magic people.

I have recently begun calling the end users who send me dirty dells all the doo dah day muggles.
They have not the magic required to fix their own pathetic computer systems. All they do that's magic is download the smileyfaces and pretty screensaver shiznigittycrap.

Also, the entire body of humans who make up the audience of a play have recently become muggles to me.

Right.
so.

A good chocolate chip cookie is soft, chewy, and full of chocolate morsels in every bite. As a maker of the world's best cookies, I've had years of practice and instruction from countless sources - culminating in some little known secrets that will bring your cookie-baking skills to the next level.

Tip #1: Use the recipe on the back of the Nestle Tollhouse Morsels bag. It is the best tasting and simplest recipe out there, hands down.

Tip #2: When softening the butter DON'T use the microwave! It does something weird to the structure of it* and will cause your cookies to collapse. Nobody likes flat cookies. They should be nice and thick to sink your teeth into. Instead, you can let the butter sit in the warmed oven for a bit. But watch it. You want it soft, not runny or clear or melted. The texture of Crisco is ideal. Which brings me to...